Monster-For-Good: When Your Best Volunteer Drives Everyone Else Away

It happens more often than nonprofit leaders like to admit. 

Your most dependable volunteer—the one who never misses fulfilling a duty, knows every detail of the job, and cares deeply about the mission—has suddenly become the reason other volunteers are leaving. How does someone so committed become the problem? How did they become the Monster-For-Good?

Let's start with Suzanne

Suzanne recently retired. Like many new retirees, she suddenly had more time than she knew what to do with. A local nonprofit invited her to volunteer. At first, she felt uncertain. She wasn't quite sure where she fit or what was expected. But over time, something changed. 

She found her place. 

She built friendships with other volunteers. She became confident in her role. Eventually she began leading part of the volunteer effort. She cared deeply about doing the work well and constantly looked for ways to improve it. Everything seemed to be going right. 

Then her fellow volunteers started disappearing. 

One by one, people stopped signing up to work in Suzanne's area until, eventually, Suzanne was doing almost everything by herself. 

What happened? 

The Volunteer Warrior

Suzanne entered what I think of as the "Volunteer Warrior" stage. It's a predictable place some highly engaged volunteers reach. This isn't a criticism. It’s an explanation of what happened.  

When someone invests enough time and emotional energy into a cause, they develop a clear vision of what success looks like. They know exactly how they think the work should be done. But, this vision often exists only in their own mind. No agreement was formed with others out loud.  

So, without realizing it, this magnificent volunteer begins to correct everyone else's work to fit their (typically) unarticulated vision. They make more decisions themselves. They become reluctant to delegate because they know they can do it faster—or "the right way." 

The mission, and their idea of how to achieve it, becomes so important they unintentionally overlook something equally important: The experience and buy-in of the other volunteers. 

Ironically, the very passion that made Suzanne such a valuable volunteer begins driving other people away. 

Why This Happens

Volunteer managers understand something most volunteers never have the opportunity to learn. People don't stay because they just like being busy. They stay because volunteering satisfies important psychological needs. 

We call these the Trifecta of Satisfaction: 

• Autonomy — having meaningful ownership of the work. 

• Competence — knowing their work is good, and their efforts matter. 

• Being part of something bigger than themselves. 

Good nonprofit professionals intentionally create opportunities for volunteers to experience these three things. But volunteers who become leaders often don’t realize they’ve been on this psychological journey. They simply remember becoming deeply invested in the mission, not how they got there. 

Then, without meaning to, they begin depriving others of the very experiences that drew them in. 

If every decision must go through Suzanne... 

If every task is corrected... 

If every idea is replaced with Suzanne's idea... 

Other volunteers lose their autonomy. Their sense of competence disappears. Eventually they stop feeling like they belong. And they quietly leave, except when they loudly leave. You’ve seen that before.  

In casual terms, the new puppy Suzanne is in love with? She has hugged her new puppy to death. With only the best intentions. She has become somewhat of a monster.

Coaching the Warrior

Fortunately, this is usually a coaching problem—not a character problem. Instead of telling Suzanne to "be nicer," help her understand the psychology behind volunteer engagement. 

Ask questions like: 

"How much freedom did Bob have to solve that problem his own way?"

"Did he get a chance to contribute, or was he simply following instructions?"

"What's the greater risk: that the task gets done differently than you imagined—or that Bob decides not to come back?"

Those conversations help volunteer leaders realize they aren't simply completing work. They're growing people. You’re teaching them how.  

Fast Alone. Far Together.

An old proverb says: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

That's especially true in volunteer management. Highly engaged volunteers often value efficiency because they know exactly what needs to happen. But organizations aren't built on efficiency alone. They're built on relationships. 

When one volunteer—or one staff member—holds all the knowledge, all the decisions, and all the responsibility, the organization becomes fragile. The strongest volunteer programs aren't the ones where one person does everything. They're the ones where many people feel trusted enough to contribute. 

Sometimes the greatest contribution your best volunteer can make isn't completing another task. It's helping someone else become the next Suzanne. Your job is to help your warrior understand how and why.  

Need help understanding your volunteers, fundraisers, donors, and even staff from a psychological perspective? Reach out.